Sunday, March 02, 2008
What have you learnt from your past relationships?
My dear readers,
Your self-proclaimed love guru is back with this write up. I have been trying to write on love for sometime now, but as they say you cannot plan love. But what I have realized is that you cannot plan writing about love either. Today, I was planning to write something on the Union Budget 2008-09, but it was not to be. I was browsing through one of my friend's profile where her response to the question, "From my past relationships I have learnt..." caught my eye and forced me to think. Before I tell you what her answer was, let me tell you what I have learnt. I have learnt that any relationship cannot be built on conditions. Love is about selflessness. Any relationship built on conditions cannot last. Conditions reduce a relationship to a meagre agreement, a mere Memorandum of Understanding which is bound to be broken sooner or later. Whenever an expression of love is associated with an 'if' or 'but', the expression is not entirely true. I hope you would agree.
When you love someone, you love a person as a whole. Now that person has some positives and some negatives (again these vary on how you perseive those qualities). The definition of good and bad may vary, but the eternal truth is that both good and bad qualities are equally responsible for defining a person. So when you say you love a person but at the same time try to convince him/ her to change certain things because you do not like them, don't you attempt to change the very definition of that person? So ask yourself whether you speak the truth whenever you express your love to that person. I feel that love is all about accepting the person as he/she is - to love the qualities you like and accept the qualities you may not like. You need to realize that the good qualities are many folds heavier than the bad qualities and that is the reason why you love the one you do.
Coming back to my friends answer to the question, she had written ,"Love is not about compromises." Taking a cue from this and that the next step up from love has always been marriage for her and the fact that she is soon to be married, I must say that her understanding of love and hence marriage is something which I do not agree with. It would have been an ideal world if we would not have to make compromises, especially in love and in marriage. But the fact is we make daily compromises. The key is to make compromises that you are happy about. That way the realtionship lasts. The key to a relationship is that it is mutually beneficial to both, that it is mutually symbiotic, that the two help each other grow. But when you are not happy with the compromises you make, when one person grows at the cost of another, that relationship becomes parasitic and it dies out sooner or later. I guess the sooner we realize that we have to make compromises and also where to draw the line, we would all have a healthy and lasting love life.
I know the topic is very debatable and as always I am eager to receive your comments. But this time around it is to know what you have learnt from your past relationships. So do keep them coming.
May a thousand love bloom and may all have happy endings!