Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Love or Commitment

One of my friends asked me, “What is more important, love or commitment?” Now, trying to explain this is very difficult and I may sound like a philosopher, but trust me that I will write what I feel.

Times have changed. In our parents’ days, people got married and entered a life-long commitment. Love followed, and couples used to spend their entire life together. But then what is important is that love followed. The same can hold true today also. But any commitment devoid of love always becomes monotonous. Look at our jobs for example. We are committed to our work, but there is no love for the company, or the project. Had we loved everything here, we would say, “Thank God it’s Monday!” and not, “Oh God, it’s Monday!” The idea is that if you keep giving way to the other person (your partner) just because you are committed to him/ her, a time will come when you will face an identity crisis. Trying to stand for what you strongly feel does not mean you have a big ego. In fact your partner should understand that you, as an individual, have a right to opinion. Am I deviating from the topic? I think so.

If you are in a relationship only because of commitment and no love, you would feel the same about going back home as you feel now about Monday mornings. And trust me; it would not be a good feeling. I feel it is easier for someone who has not been in a relationship to marry and fall in love (of course with his/her spouse). But for us, it will be very difficult. However wrong it is, the prospective partner would be graded on the scale of our experience, and comparisons are inevitable. But then, we must not forget that he/she would be a different individual.

Now, a situation of all love and no commitment also means you are in troubled waters. Actually, the concept itself is very debatable. If you love a person, you will be committed to him/ her automatically. How can one be in love and not be committed at the same time? If someone tells you that he loves you, and at the same time he cannot control his virility – trust me; he deserves a GPL.

Ideally, a relationship should be a commitment out of love and respect. But then, everyone should make his/ her own choice, because one man’s meat can be another’s poison.



Arnab Chakraverty said...

That is indeed a topic much debatable, but keeping mum is the other and the most advisable action.
Since my friend you have touched the strings and a sound has started. I would stroke another and then let the music take its rythm.
Commitment or love? Interesting though. After reading your blog my friend, I felt that in the package of "Love", commitment is embedded, whereas the vice-versa dose not hold good enough. Thats your thought and I do respect it.
But, as another individual, I tend to disagree on some points. It may seem irrelevant to you. But as I said, "Let the music take its rythm." I am not being able to hold myself back.
Commitment..... by dictionary it means....."a pledge or promise; obligation".
Love........... accordingly means.........."a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
sexual passion or desire.
a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
sexual intercourse; copulation.
(initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.
–verb (used with object)
to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
to have sexual intercourse with.
–verb (used without object)
to have love or affection for another person; be in love.
—Verb phrase"

So Love as you would read talks about all the aspects from virility, as you mentioned, to the intangible aspects of life. So its a combination of Astro-Physics and Physics.
Commitment whereas is much rather a sense of doing something which you are not willing, but some how have to do.
So intermingling of things which you like doing and then you have things which you HAVE to do, are just like mixing coke in wine.
I agree that with the notion that we have, Love and commitment comes hand in hand, but not with a surety though. Seasons change, people change and loves does too. A person has his/her own mental status, which is coupled with his/her emotions, ego, understanding apart from the state which he/she in with respect to Food, Clothes, House and Sex( The basic need of a Man/woman). And life ows no gurantee to you that you would live to see the next minute, how could one give a commitment that the other is the one, while it may be that some better things in life is wating for the person.
Commitment in love is not a natural phenomena. We have added it though since time immortal.
But the two distinct feelings of opposite characteristic when combined creates an uproar later.
Always remember that commitment comes out of age, experience, respect, responsibility, liability but not love.

Luv 'n' Luk

Yash Agarwal said...

After reading the content of the topic "Love or Commitment" from Chandan, I didn’t think I would post a comment on it. But after going thru the comment by my very dear fren and "room partner" (nothing fishy about it!!) mota, as we lovingly call him, I said to myself it would be very unfair on my part if I don’t write a few words, if not more, on this supposed to be "controversial" topic.

I have gone thru all the phases of Love and Commitment myself and so have some experience on it. There are very few things in this world which is best left to be understood by ones own heart and not go by "dictionary" and I feel LOVE and COMMITMENT are the 2 lucky ones to fall in this small basket. My view on this topic is very much in sync with our beloved blogger.

To put it in my words, love without commitment is like bowling on unguarded stumps and with no wicketkeeper to hold the ball if you miss the stumps. You can definitely hit the stumps and avoid ball from going too far away from you, but that will happen only say 4 out of 10 times but more often than not ball will miss the stumps and there wont be anyone to show it the right direction (unless and untill you are an expert bowler to hit 8 out of ten times.. even the great Wasim Akram once said that if I bowl on unguarded stumps, more often than not I will definitely miss the stumps!!! :) ).

Not wasting much of the reader’s time I would like to put the final dot on my comments with this self created sentence.. or so to say made out of my experience:

"Love is blind, commitment shows his the right direction".

With lots and lots of love and ofcourse commitment...


Chandan said...

Only one line for Arnab:
Love is not the euphemism for sex, and commitment certainly does not come with age (Why in the world would people in their 40s and 50s have extra-marital affairs if that was true?).

Arnab Chakraverty said...

Yes Chandan.....
You proved me right once again..
And more over then why there are so many divorce cases all round the worl..where most of it is as you term it "Love Marriage".
I tell you, cause of the nausea of Love and commitment go hand in hand. Extra-marital affairs are just another example.
Thanx, that you understood. That Love and commitment is seperate.
The point till your Blog heading "Love or Commitment".....you were spot on!

Luv 'n' Luk

Shefali said...

I was just keeping myself aloof from all these but now its hard to be silent.

Love isn't something discovered and sealed in an instant; rather, it's something that develops, deepens, and strengthens through a couple's shared experiences. The more time you spend together, the more openness you share; the more conversations you have and events you experience as a couple, the deeper in love you'll fall.

I feel it is commitment that makes us fall in love.Commitment to daily and mundane shared experiences, domestic chores, the breakfast drill, casually holding hands in the park, advising each other about problems at work, coming to depend on each other, building a life together. Like the hooks and eyes of a woman's dress, it's the tiny, seemingly insignificant details of everyday life that serve to fasten a man and a woman together until they begin to feel inseparable.

Commitment means being devoted to doing things to nurture the relationship and protect it from harm and to fix it if damaged. Both partners care about each other's needs and must be willing to put each other's needs first--including being willing to make personal sacrifices for the good of the relationship. The partners should be willing to depend on each other and feel secure that each will be loyal to each other and to the relationship.

I really feel that love without commitment is a romance which will never last for a lifetime.Fortunately there is a better type of love than the romantic kind, one with the potential for lasting a lifetime. And dat is wen you have the sense of commitment along with love. If u truly love a person u would definitely be committed to him or her.

Lots of Luv