Chandan's Virtu

Perception: The only thing that matters in politics

2012-01-06T13:28:00.000+05:30

“Showme the man and I’ll show you the rule” – the statement is common parlance inbureaucracy, but this formalism is all the more visible in politics. Logic,allegiance, ideology, principles do not matter. The only thing that isimportant is perception.

Thisis precisely the reason why no politician wants to be seen as to be opposingthe creation of the Lokpal lest he be perceived to be corrupt, even though itis no secret that covertly they are all working, or at least praying, for it tobe a stillborn. The BJP is trying to project itself as the only party which isfighting inside the Parliament for a strong and independent Lokpal whilecovertly it is making a mockery of the report of the Lokayukta in Karnatakawhich had indicted the former Chief Minister. Committees after committees arebeing set up to investigate cases made by the Lokayukta even when the KarnatakaLokayukta has an independent investigation wing which had done itsinvestigation in the matter. At the same time the BJP is playing its castecards right by keeping Yedurappa close and now in UP, by inducting the taintedKhushwaha, who was expelled from BSP on corruption charges, and projecting himas a backward caste hero of sorts. It’s political double speak is also obviousfrom the fact that on the one hand it does not allow Parliament to function –the entire winter session was washed away in 2010 – and on the other, itapproaches the President to call a special session of the Parliament on Lokpal.

TheUPA is trying to project that it introduced a strong Lokpal Bill after wideconsultations. While the introduction of the Bill itself could be under publicpressure, the consultations have been nothing more than theatrics. The onlyones really consulted seem to be the gallery of multitude of lawyers. If thebill in its present form is strong, then we must notify the publishers of theOxford English Dictionary that the word strong has a new meaning.

Inelection rallies and otherwise it is common for Rahul Gandhi and other CongressLeaders to say that Congress Party and Dr. Manmohan Singh sends crores ofrupees to the states giving the perception that the UPA government is doing afavour to the states by giving them what is rightfully and constitutionallytheirs. It is not the ancestral money of the Gandhi’s or for that matter of Dr.Singh.

TheCongress Party is also trying to project itself as the champion of thereligious minorities before the UP elections by talking about 4.5% reservationwithin the OBC quota and also indicating that it may be increased to 6%, whilethe Samajwadi Party is opposing it hoping that the minorities forgive him forhis association with Kalyan Singh during the last elections and support him inanticipation that he would deliver on his promise of reservation for minoritiesproportional to their population.

TheBSP has declared its support for a strong Lokpal and Chief Minister Mayawatihas removed almost 70% of her ministers on charges of corruption, thus projectingherself as a champion of sorts of the anti-corruption drive. But it is doubtfulif this delayed action when her government has almost run its course would cutmuch ice with the people of the state. The question is what she was doing forthe past four and a half years. Was she unaware and hence incapable to govern,did she look the other way and choose to be oblivious of the facts while hercorrupt ministers looted the state and misused their powers or was she hand inglove with them and now has engaged in theatrics to garner public support? Thecase is open and the people of the state will pronounce their verdict whenelection results come in March.

Mamta’spolitical compulsions do not allow her to exit from the UPA government, but shecannot be perceived toing the UPA line when it comes to matters she has strongopinions about. At the same time, even though the government is gettingblackmailed by a very small partner in terms of numbers at every nook andcorner, it cannot be seen as yielding ground to a smaller party and hence thebickering of the two parties in West Bengal.

The dividebetween perception and reality of upholding democratic traditions andprinciples is obvious from the fact how parties have to issue whips even fordiscussions on issues relating to ideals and principles. Inner party democracyis a farce or else why would party members be thrown out for only speakingadversely about what their leaders or their heirs say think or do.

In a world where perceptionbecomes the end, why would any party endure the tough job of action? One onlyhopes that during the coming elections, the electorate proves otherwise andtears through the farce and double speak.

The Fight to the Finish: Political Elites versus the Civil Society

2011-12-25T14:35:00.001+05:30

Modern India has a new caste system. Today’s Brahmins arethe officialdom, the bureaucrats, the civil administrators who interpret notthe Vedas or Shastras but our laws and regulations. They determine what theritual is. The 40 years of socialisticpattern of society have turned what was a clean and good administration atindependence into commissars and controllers. They do not serve, theyadminister.

Today’s Kshatriyas are the politicians. Their concern iswith enhancing their power, their wealth, and their control over means ofproduction and over the populace. They look upon themselves not as electedrepresentatives, leave alone as servants of people but as feudal rulers.

Today’s Vaisyas are the businessmen, the professionals, thetraders. They have tasted the elixir of free economy, of globalized culture ofbusiness and professionals, but are not averse also to take advantage of theinherent limitations and contradictions in our society and in our economy.

Finally, today’s Shudras are the public at large. And likealways, the new Brahmins, Kshatriyas or Vaisyas do not give a damn for the newShudras. This new caste system is wholly different from the earlier one. But itis equally vicious.

The ethic of public service, the inspiration for thebetterment of society, the commitment to give more than one receives isincreasingly seen to be absent among the power elites. We are said to be ademocracy. Nanaji Deshmukh had observed that we do not actually have ademocracy, we only have elections. Elections are not to be mistaken fordemocracy. Democracy is the government of the people, by the people, for thepeople. We have government of the powerful, by the powerful, for the powerful.

Anna’s struggle for Lokpal should be seen on thisbackground. It is not simply a fight to choose either the Jan Lokpal or thegovernment draft for Lokpal. It is a fight for civil society demandingunprecedented accountability from the power elites of India who are refusing toaccept this accountability. A full change in the governance culture is actuallywhat is demanded by the activists (and now by the people on the streets), andis being side-tracked by the power elites. What should be a constructive andtrustful dialogue has degenerated into a suicidal conflict.

It is hard not to draw parallels with the Arab revolution orwith the events in Europe in 1848. In 1848, revolutionary fervor broke acrosscontinental Europe. The waves of revolution were set in motion in France and,like a domino effect, countries after country were hit by revolts. The bases ofEuropean revolts were the same as those in the modern-day Arab world. Economicdisparity, abuse of power, and a lack of political equality were all causes forthe wave of revolutions in 1848 Europe. Industrialization and economic andtechnological leaps were causing major socio-economic changes in Europeansocieties before and up to 1848. While in a very different historical context,this has also been occurring in today’s Arab world. In 19^th centuryEurope, fundamental economic changes, characterized by the consolidation ofwealth, caused massive unemployment as well as the outbreak of famines. Thishas also occurred in recent years in the Arab world, largely as a result of thebrunt of neoliberal reforms and rising food prices. Anger over lack ofemployment, lack of opportunities, corrupt government practices and rising foodprices were the core reasons behind the Arab revolution.

Some say that India is no Egypt, but the similarities aredifficult to miss. The demographic dividend that all are gung ho about could bethe source of disgruntled youth if the country fails to provide them withrequisite opportunities. The “policy paralysis” in government, animosity in thepolity, decelerating economy, rampant corruption in all walks of life are allsignals that the worst fears could become true sooner than later. Amidst allthis, Anna’s movement is providing an outlet for the common people to venttheir frustrations.

It is absurd when some politicians ask who has given Annathe mandate to ask for a Lokpal. Is it not obvious from the following he hadduring the August agitation? Who had given him the mandate to turn his villageof Ralegaon Siddhi? He did what is expected of an elected government. One onlyhas to follow the mandate of one’s conscience. People’s approval shall follow.Then there are those who say that the Parliament is supreme. Yes, theParliament is supreme, Parliamentarians are not. Government is supreme; thepeople who govern are not. Those in Parliament cannot legislate for their ownprotection or aggrandizement, nor can those in government act in their owninterest as they hold office in a fiduciary capacity. Legislation is the soleprerogative of the Parliament but if the Parliamentarians cannot deliver whatthe people demand, they better make way for others who can. The argument thatnobody can dictate to the Parliament is a fallacious argument.

The British left India and the Maharajas gave up theirkingdoms not because they suddenly became kind hearted but because the system,the culture, the society in which they flourished changed to make themirrelevant. Today’s India has changed beyond recognition. The aware and empoweredpeople cannot be taken for granted. Today people want day to democracy, not aonce in five years occurrence. It is about time the political class saw thewriting on the wall and understood people’s aspirations.

‘We the people’ have given our country the Constitution. TheParliament, the President, the Judiciary, the Prime Minister, indeed the fullGovernment are mere creatures of the Constitution. The people are supreme.

The dictate of the people, as articulated byAnna, is an earnest message to the parliamentarians – “Expose yourself to thedemand for accountability, or else….” Everything else is mere detail.

I am peeved

2011-11-30T14:26:00.006+05:30

I admit it is a weird title to return to blogging after almost 3 years. However, it is the state of affairs that must be blamed for this.

I am peeved because the so called preachers and protectors of democracy are not listening to peoples' voices. 'Occupy' protesters are being evacuated forcefully, while nothing is being done to support those in Egypt who are fighting for a genuine democracy.

I am peeved because NATO and US continue to consider the world their own backyard. They bomb a Pakistani check post, kill Pakistani soldiers and simply say sorry. And, amid all this my government wants MFN status from Pakistan but is sheepishly watching all this rather than stand by Pakistan's side on this.

I am peeved because the government here is in a mess. In fact there is no governance, only administration. You ask any question and the government answers that they have a legislation on the issue in the waiting. What else could one expect from the government that is perennially in survival mode?

I am peeved because the Parliamentarians, who pleaded the citizens to uphold the supremacy of the Parliament when Anna Hazare was agitating, do not let the Parliament function. Where else can people throw tantrums and chairs in their office and get the day off as a reward?

I am peeved because it is so easy for the opposition to hold the government to ransom, despite it not having the numbers. Parliament has become an arena for blackmail where the opposition tell the government that it's the opposition's way or the highway. However, ironically, the opposition is playing straight into the hands of the government by not allowing the Parliament to function. The Question Hour is probably the most potent tool in the hands of the Opposition to hold the Government accountable. However, it only suits the government if there are no debates on crucial issues in the House. I am peeved because it is public money - yours and mine - that is going down the drain due to a non-functioning Parliament. It had cost us roughly Rs230 Crores when the winter session last year was wasted and we are losing Rs 4 crores daily this time around.

I am peeved because traditionally non-partisan instruments of the Parliament like the PAC and the JPC and standing committees have also become places to demonstrate political one-upmanship. I am peeved because constitutional authorities like the CAG are being deliberately maligned by people who have absolutely no credit to their names other that being 'orderlies' of the people in power.

I am peeved because my household budget is going completely haywire because of the inflation, the countries current account deficit is worsening because of the falling rupee and the RBI and Finance Ministry are mere spectators. True they did a fantastic job during the recession in 2008, but how long can we harp on the past? What about today?

I am peeved because the Planning Commision has become non-consequential. It is setting absurd poverty lines. Tendulkar Committee did well to change the poverty estimates simply from calorie consumption to including several other necessities. However, the Planning Commission is undoing the good by setting an arbitrary poverty line, which defies all common sense. No one in his right mind would believe that Rs32 is sufficient for a person for a day to survive in a city. One must remember that out of this Rs32, Rs18 are for food items and Rs14 for rent, transportation, education, health, clothing and footwear. The Planning Commission sets target for power generation and not even 50% of it is achieved. Besides, it slept all the while the coal availability in the country dropped and has woken up now when the reserves are well below critical levels and the country faces a severe power crisis.

I am peeved because the Government and Opposition confuse me on several key policy issues. While the government says that FDI in retail will create more jobs and the opposition insists it will lead to job losses, since most of the retailers are in the unorganised sector, no one is sure which way the balance will tilt. Besides, since when has logic become important in politics. Only thing that matters is to foment public opinion. No wonder then the media is becoming the Parliament of the general public.

I am peeved because the media has become a circus. Sachin's hundredth international century is being made into a national obsession rather than a mere statistic. What difference will it make to the greatness of the man if, God forbid, he does not achieve it? In the era of 24hr news channels, anything and everything is becoming news. I am sure Sachin's next ton is right around the corner, so please let him be.

I am peeved because even after 3 years of the 26/11 attacks little has changed and little has been done to enhance our security, while when a politicians house is robbed in Delhi, the police are able to bring every single item back within a few days.

I am peeved because the corporates can write letters directly to the PM to agree to their terms 'or else' (reference to the letter written by Chairmen of Vodafone, Airtel and Idea to the PM), but the common man has no respite for 5 years from a government he chose with the right intent but which got entangled in its own mess.

I am peeved because when one Maoist is killed, people start crying about his human rights, but when 76 CRPF men were killed in Gadchiroli, those very people didn't shed a tear. Why should they? After all, the CRPF men had enrolled to die!

I am peeved because the marking and grading system in schools have been changed but the pedagogy remains the same. Teachers cannot fail students anymore but continue to teach the way they did. Will this lead to better students?

I cannot stress more on how Nehru's promise of wiping every tear from every eye is being broken and how Tagore's dream of an India where the mind is without fear and the head is held high is being shattered.

Forced into the game of tagging

2008-12-21T19:48:00.009+05:30

I have been forced to this game of tagging. Had it been anyone else other than Varun who had tried to pull me in a game like this, I would have ignored it. Let me start with mentioning the rules of this game:
RULE #1: People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by them.
RULE #2: Tag 6 people to do this quiz and they cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

So here I go with the questions and their answers.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
There is not much left in love after betrayal. So I guess it would be time to be jolted back to the real world and move on.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
I dream to be successful in whatever I choose to do. And after all that, have a building where all my friends take floors with their families. Nothing more is needed out of life.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
This might sound saintly but I do not hold grudges against anyone.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Buy that building that I have mentioned in 2 and of course, invest so that the billion keeps coming.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
If the best friend is a girl - I would not be averse to the idea.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
To be loved is more blessed, but to love is more satisfying.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
A bird in hand is better than two in the bush.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Tell her my feelings and leave it at that. If she chooses me, I'd be glad, if not I would move on and pray that I am not late in the future.

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
If it is a casual act, anyone is fine. But if it is a serious act, I would like to act with whoever is better at the job. I am not sure how I would fair in acting, though - so would need veterans to carry the act.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
Lack on enthusiasm in people and places.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
Married, with kids, and settled with my friends as neighbours and a name to reckon with in my profession.

12. What’s your fear?
That I lose interest in what I do.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I have a few words in mind, but cannot mention them here in the public domain. He will be my companion on the Leh Trip that we are planning, so cannot afford to annoy him.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
What makes you think that I cannot be married and rich? But if I have to choose, it would be single and rich - so that I have the building I have been mentioning earlier. With so many friends around, not having a spouse might not be problem.

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Get out of bed if the time is right, else go back to sleep.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
I would give all that it takes to make the relationship work without changing what makes 'me'.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
I do not think I will be so fortunate to have a multiple choice there.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
I would forgive but not forget. Not forgetting would not let me repeat the mistake.

19. What are your three most important expectations in love (Original Question: Will you marry me?)
a.) Accept me and love me as I am
b.) Trust
c.) Communication

20. List 6 people to tag:
I do not have so many options. I will tag two:
Arnab
Kumar Prashant

I am not sure if the two will take the time. I want them to, but will have no hard feelings if they choose not too.

-CK-

From Signors to Seniors of European Football

2008-07-02T01:25:00.007+05:30

Before you think that the post is about Italy, let me clarify that I have borrowed the term to write about the team that beat Italy in the quarter-final stage of Euro 2008 - Spain. I had been out of touch with the game for close to two years before the Euro started and I am glad it was this tournament that brought me back to the game I have always loved.

In stark contrast to Euro 2004, when the ugliest defensive tactics helped Greece lift the cup and when I had thought that European football had lived its life, this edition of the cup belonged to the one team which stood out from the rest in terms of the sheer quality of football that they put on display. You could not but marvel at their accurate passes, deadly strategy, impressive energy and fitness - football at it's technical best.

Before the start of the tournament who would have thought (me included) that the biggest underperformers in the history of the game, the biggest chokers when it came to major tournaments, would go on to win it. But those who follow international football would know that the Spanish team always had the talent. The question was to deliver at the big stage. Many times they were knocked out in penalties. But none of that returned to haunt them this time. Not only did they play the best football in the tournament, they also beat Italy in in the quarter-final on penalties. The way they tired the Russians out in the semis with there possession of the ball after they were one-up was something to watch. The Russians, who only became better as the tournament progressed, had no answer to the Spanish strategy and style of play. The German's were no better.

In the absence of David Villa (the top scorer of tournament if I am not mistaken), Torres managed to redeem himself. He had been busy creating chances for Villa in the entire tournament, but he did not have his partner in the final. Torres missed a close chance with the header earlier when the ball deflected from the side bar. I thought it was not Spain's day because you strike the bar only when you are destined to lose. Who knew that from then on it would be all Spain in the game. Germany's reliable defender in Lahm had no answer to the strength and speed of Torres - in all a goal worthy of a final. Everyone knew that Spain's defence was its weak point, but the extra mid-fielder in Fabrigas made up for it. They never gave Germany any chance to even challenge Casillas. Even Casillas was seen coming forward and punching the ball to counter the height advantage that the Germans had against the spanish defenders. In all Spain played as a team. There was no surprsie, therefore, when UEFA in its statement praised the Spanish team so much and that they had even contemplated picking the entire team for the player of the tournament (though Xavi won it eventually).

On the other hand, Germany had done well to reach to the finals but their football in the entire tournament was disappointing to say the least. Everyone knows that they are very tough in the head in that they never give up. But that does not make up for the skill, or rather the lack of it. I have to say that it is a very average team with only one world class player in Ballack. The defenders are ageing and very slow (with all due respect they are not the same as they were five years earlier). The two central defenders were always so far apart that any good offender would have loved to take them on - he only needed to get between the two, and then he just had to counter the goalkeeper. They tried to level with Spain in the second half, but Aragones' team proved to be too good for them. One feels sad for Ballack who has lost two big finals this year - first the premiership to ManU playing for Chelsea and now the Euro Cup 2008.

The entire world can praise the Spanish team now, but the picture was not so rosy all along. To begin with, Spain has won a major title after 44 years. Even in the qualifiers to this edition of the Euro Cup, Luis Aragones (the coach) had resigned after consecutive losses to Northern Ireland and Sweden. As luck would have it, it was a great decision to ask him to continue, for nothing could be better than the championship as farewell to the 70 year old coach (it was his last game as coach). He has built a great team and, in Torres and others, Spain has players who will play alongside each other for many years to come and would take Spanish football to new heights - their sights firmly set on the World Cup in two years time in South Africa.

-CK-

Sarkar Raj - it's make or break for Ramu

2008-06-06T04:30:00.009+05:30

I have been a great fan of Ram Gopal Verma ever since I saw Satya. But who would ever say that the maker of films like Satya, Company, Sarkar could make films like Darna Zaroori Hai and (yes you guessed it) Aag. Well Ramu ke liye darna zaroori tha kyonki uski lagayee aag use hi jalane walee thee. And that is why I say Sarkar Raj is a make or break movie for Ramu, at least in my books.

Coming to the very well publicised movie now, the first thing that struck me was the LOUD background score. What is it with Ramu and loud background scores? It becomes gut wrenching at times - as if Ramu tries to force the emotion or mood into the audience. But it has only added to the movie.

I do not think I even need to comment on the performances of the Bachchan family members - they were just fabulous in the movie and so were the other actors. In the old 'Nagre' family, no one else has any role to play except Subhash and Shankar. The movie starts with Shankar taking the reigns in his own hand and Subhash being in a semi-retired state. It is about how Shankar tries to fight for and achieve what he feels is right (echoing Subhash's ideology there).

There are a lot of twists in the plot. In the first half when you start feeling comfortable and start predicting the plot, a bomb blast will shake you. In the second half, when you feel that you know what is going to happen next, you will be shot at point-blank range. This is where Subhash takes centre stage. To top it all is Big B's rendition of the definition of politics in the climax of the movie.

Now, coming to what I didn't like in the movie. There were actually two things. First, Supriya Pathak Kapoor - for the fabulous actor she is - deserved a better treatment in terms of reel space. Second, the end was a little lengthy for my liking. I thought it also slowed down the pace of the movie. I felt it mellowed the impact that Ramu had succeeded in creating till that point in the movie.

I have deliberately tried not to give anything away on the plot, even at the cost of this post looking childish because my friends are yet to watch the movie and I do not want to spoil their fun. I am no film critic, simply because I am not qualified for the job. I write of what I feel from the audience point of view, as I see it from the eyes of a layman who knows nothing of film making.

My verdict on Ramu: I think he has re-discovered himself.

My rating of the film: 3.5/5

PS: Would have given 4 but have kept the 0.5 to myself in anticipation of many more fabulous films from Ramu's Factory.

-CK-

Au Revoir

2008-05-27T23:02:00.001+05:30

"It pains - it truly pains - to give words to your feelings at junctures such as these..." was how my speech started at my college farewell. But I am not going to tread that path again. It is only going to be all smiles this time around - no tears. In case you are wondering who I am writing this for, it is for my dear friend Varun.

Varun and I had joined Tech Mahindra Ltd. (then called Mahindra British Telecom Ltd.) on the same day; infact we were in the same batch for training with 28 others and since then we have been together in the project (he had started in a separate project briefly), stayed in the same building first and then in the same house. By this you would have had a fair idea of how much we have shared and cared for each other.

I was very apprehensive leaving for Mumbai all alone, leaving back my friends and family. What else would you expect from a boy fresh out of college moving to Mumbai - a city where God knows how many people like me get lost each day. On top of that, I had no friend or relative in Mumbai. However, it was the same feeling that I had gone through when I had first left home for Bokaro, then Varanasi and then Kolkata. God had been very gracious and I had been very lucky to have made very close friends wherever I went. They always took care of me and I have always cherished their friendship. And I came to Mumbai with the same hope of making some good friends here too - and God was very kind again, for I met Varun and Bhavin. I would not write much about Bhavin as this one is dedicated to Varun. Still, Bhavin or 'chacha' as we fondly call him is a Mumbaiya Gujju. For those who understand what that means, I do not need to explain anything else, and those of you who do not know, try finding out what it means. One thing that I adore him for is his straight talk and practicality. The fact that he can cope up with my tantrums is his biggest USP.

Coming back to Varun, he and I have a lot of things in common. We talk straight, we are very fond of movies and talking nonsense - he is a big gossip monger and that has always provided us with enough fuel to keep going; and people somehow feel we are very old/ experienced who have all the answers, as most of our time goes in preaching others. Did I say we just love the attention? ;) We are never afraid to confront anyone when we know that we are right and the other person is wrong.Moreover, both of us had left our families and friends behind and come to a new place with the ambition of making a mark in the organization, and hoping to make some very good friends in the process.

Apart from that, he is very patient (a 'must have' if you are staying with me), a very good listener, very intelligent, and a true professional who strives to be the best at whatever he does. Thodee zyada tareef ho gayee kya? I think not, because whatever I have said is true. Do not let his school boy looks fool you... he has a vary matured head on his shoulders. To all that, add the fact that he is a good cook and you will find many girls going for his head (or heart).

There is no point in mentioning what we did together in the almost two years that we stayed together; we did practically everything together (now keep your dirty minds in check for I know where your mind is wandering). I say two years, because since April '07 we have had very less time to spend with each other as first I was deputed in Pune on assignment, then Varun left for UK and now when he is back in Mumbai, I am in UK. Now that he has decided to move back to Bangalore in pursuit of a better job opportunity, I wish him all the luck. I am sure he will do well there.

At this point let me name another close friend of mine whom I met in TechM - Mimi. Mimi and Varun together helped me in more ways than they probably realise. I have not thanked them enough. In fact, if my memory serves me right, I have never thanked them. So here is my chance.

Varun and Mimi,
The two of you have been fabulous friends, very understanding and caring. You were a pleasure to work with, to watch even the dumbest of movies with and share all those stupid jokes and ugly secrets with. You were very patient with me in probably one of the worst phases of my life, the time when I needed my friends from college the most - those who were the closest to me and who knew me inside out. But you accepted everything without asking any questions and it was because of your support that I was able to come out of it and never missed Joy, Yash and Arnab. So... thank you... thank you for being there; and sorry if I have ever hurt you. I might have been harsh/ rude sometimes, might have said many things, but the truth is that I cherish your friendship as much as I cherish anything in this world.

Chacha,
Please do not feel left out as you are not going anywhere. There will be time and then I will sing your praise too.

Lord Alfred Tennyson had once said, "The old order changeth, giving way to the new." How true this has been for me... my old friends went away and I met Varun. Now that he is going, I hope I make some more close friends. Not that they will ever replace him, but will certainly help me to care and share more and make me a better person.

I shiver at the thought of how the office would feel like without Varun and Mimi once I go back to India. It would be very similar to the feeling I had when he was in UK and Mimi had just left TechM. But it was a very short period and I had the excitement of my impending UK trip to keep me occupied. But then, God would have certainly planned something for me, but I will miss them for sure. The thought weakens me, but then the follwoing lines come to my mind:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

Moreover, I am not losing anything here... a friend is only going away for his good and when I say away, it is only to a different city. So, Au Revoir friend! People use this term to say goodbye. But au means 'till the' and revoir means 'meeting again'. So goodbye till we meet again... and we will meet soon - that's a promise.

Friend 4ever
-CK-

My first long weekend outside Milton Keynes

2008-05-26T14:28:00.008+05:30

Preface:
This time I had booked my train tickets well in advance so that I would not decide against travelling at the last moment. I decided to visit Yash in Manchester. Initially I had decided to take a train to Manchester Picadilly on Friday evening and return on Monday evening - Monday being a bank holiday. but the train services were disrupted on Monday, so I decided to return on Tuesday morning. The plan was to report for work straight from the station. And that was what I booked my tickets for.
Suddenly the flat in MK where I was staying looked very big for the two of us (Puru and I). Prasanna had left for India only a day before. Puru would be home alone during the weekend and I was feeling very bad for him. But then, I had asked him if he would come with me and he had declined.

The holiday begins:
I reached the station around 8:15pm, fairly excited. The train was on time. It was the 8:36pm Virgin service to Manchester Picadilly. My plan was to spend the night at Yash's, visit Blackpool on Saturday, travel around Manchester on Sunday and visit Liverpool on Monday. Well, the plan had always looked hectic to me, but it grew upon me after I was docked in my seat and the train left the platform. I had a chicken sandwich and a cup of tea on board (don't look so surprised, I am trying to cut down on alcohol). Then, I switched on my laptop and tried to read a few documents - didn't have much option, as I was not carrying any book or magazine with me.

The train reached Manchester Picadilly on time and I rushed for the 'Metrolink'. I had thought that it was a tube as we have in London, and was looking for a ticket counter to buy a ticket. However, I could not find any open window. I went back to the train station thinking I would find something there, but I was told that I could get the tickets at the platform itself. I went back and found a ticket machine at the platform. Thank God I had some change with me! My destination was Gmex. I got on the metro and once it rolled out of the station, I realized it was a tram. The first thought that came to my mind was KOLKATA! But the trams there were so different from those in Manchester. The ones in Kolkata are considered to be a menace for the traffic. The tram tracks have caused so many accidents there. Strangely, none of that seemed to be a problem here. I was in my thoughts when I reached my destination. I found Yash waiting for me when I came outside the station. His place was just 2 minutes walk from there. He was staying in a service appartment. We had dinner and hit the bed as we had to leave early the next morning - Destination Blackpool.

Day1 - Blackpool

Pic. Tower and Promenade, Blackpool

We woke up early on Saturday, had our breakfast after our morning ablutions. But by the time we were ready, we only had enough time to run all the way to catch our bus to Blaclpool. We did manage to catch the bus at 8:30. The bus reached Blackpool before time. We got down at the bus station and walked down to the Promenade. Promenade is the stretch of road that runs along the coast in Blackpool. Before I go any further on what we did there, let me tell you something about Blackpool. Blackpool is called the Las Vegas of UK because of its casinos, pubs and other attractions. We saw all that all along the Promenade. From the bus station we reached North Pier on the Promenade. The Promenade was a very broad strech of road, with space for usual traffic and a separate lane for trams too. Also, there was ample space for everybody to walk and have fun.

We looked around the North Pier, then went into the tourist information centre, bought ourselves discounted tickets to the Sea Life Centre and gathered some more information on what was there to see for us in Blackpool. We had planned to visit the famous Tower in Blackpool as well. We went there but the ticket to the Tower also included a Circus show and other stuffs which we did not have time for - we had to return the same evening. So we looked at the Tower only from the outside and moved on. Our next stop was the Sea Life Centre where we saw beautiful fishes, sea horses, octopusses, even ray fish and sharks. The Centre had taken a lot of care in creating the same environment for the creatures as they would find in the sea. The has even recreated the Amazon rain forest which was very interesting. I left the centre mesmerised by the sharks.

We skipped Louis Tussaud's Wax Museum which is the biggest wax museum outside London, because I had already been to the biggest. Our next stop was MacD for lunch as we were feeling really hungry by then. By that time the sun was shining in all its splendor and people had come out to enjoy the sun and have fun at the beach. We went to Central Pier next, hit the beach, clicked some photographs and came back. What did you expect? No we did not play in the water, because we did not have any change of clothing for one and second we had only about 4 hours before we had to catch the bus and we still had so much to see.

From the Central Pier we moved on to the South Pier. South Pier has many attractions. There is a mini golf course for you to have fun, the fun-filled Pleasure Beach and a huge indoor water park. Though there are fun and games on all the Piers and all along the promenade, these three attractions at the South Pier stand out. Golf was not out cup of tea, water park was a no no, so we went to Pleasure Beach. The entry to the park is free which is very good, because that way only those have to pay who really want to enjoy the rides (Did someone say good for parents?). Once inside, you have 3 options - to buy a wrist band for £30 to enjoy all the rides unlimitted number of times, or to buy tickets to rides which you want to take, or to just see people having fun. I would have loved to buy the wristband, but again time was a factor. Probably the most famous ride in the Pleasure Beach is the Pepsi Max Big One roller-coaster - which was, at one time, the biggest roller-coaster in UK. So we decided to take that ride. Yash wanted to see the river caves as well, so we bought tickets for those as well. It cost us £11 each for both the rides. Considering this, the £30 wristband is a great bargain. But to enjoy it completely, you need to have one full day. The roller-coaster ride had a fair share of waiting time involved with it. We had to wait for almost 20 minutes for the 3 minute ride. But you forget all that as soon as your ride starts. The feeling is just exhilarating. After that the river cave was a smooth sail through time. It is more for the children, so you people keep that in mind when you go in there. We had a llook around the park and then moved on to our next destination - Ripley's Believe It Or Not. They have a lot of fascinating stuff in there. You would be mesmerised and awestruck at the sight of their collection.

Pic. 'The Pepsi max Big One'

Pic. View from the top of the ride - probably the most thrilling ride of my life till date

After all this we still had sometime with us, but our legs were begging for rest. We dragged ourselves to the benches made near the South Pier and sat in the Sun. There we saw people taking helicopter rides. Yes, you can take helicopter rides for £25 each and I felt it would have been a nice experience. But Yash vetoed it and after resting for some time, we took a tram to North Pier as we could not walk any more. We reached North Pier and decided to take a close look of the sea from the Pier head. The view of the sea from the pier was amazing. I wondered how the sea would look like at sunrise and sunset and left the place to return to the bus station for our return journey. We were parched by then so on our way we picked some juice from a store. We reached the bus station at 6:30pm and our bus was standing there. But the drver had locked himself in and would not open the door till 6:50pm as the bus was at 7:00pm. That was wierd and Yash and I spent the time sipping at the juice (it was a life-saver).

Finally the driver let us in, and we set off for Manchester. We reached Manchester at around 8:20 pm. on our way back home from the station, we picked our dinner from Sainsbury, came to our room, washed up, had dinner and lay dead on the bed with the thought that thankfully we had decided to stay in Manchester on Sunday. However, I did regret that I did not have enough time to enjoy all the rides at Pleasure Beach. Blackpool is certainly not a one day trip. You would have more fun if you decide to stay the night there.

Day2 - Manchester
We woke up the next moring, very relaxed as we were in no hurry. My legs were still paining from the abuse I had subjected them to the other day. However, the weather outside was gloomy. It was clouded and raining quite heavily. I really wanted to see around Manchester, but the weather washed my spirits away. Yash and I had a late lunch and finally when the rain stopped, we headed for Old Trafford - yes you guessed it - to see the famous footbal stadium, home to the current premership champions - Manchester United.

Pic. MUFC Stadium, Old Trafford

We took a bus to Old Trafford, got down at the Lancashire Cricket Club and headed straight for the football stadium. I cannot explain how it felt to see the stadium, even from the outside. We reached the museum reception all excited, but our spirits hit a rock bottom when we were told that all stadium tours were fully booked for the day. We could see the museum, but I felt that it was not worth, if we could not see the stadium. So we decided against it. We click a few photographs of the stadium from the outside, visited their store and came back to the Lancashire Cricket Club. Those of you who know Yash would be knowing how crazy he is for cricket. He wanted to get inside and see the ground, but they were having a match and we were not allowed inside without a ticket. It was not our day I guess! And so we headed back to our abode. It was better to rest and prepare for another tiring day in Liverpool.

Day3 - Liverpool

Pic. Albert Dock, Liverpool

This time around we got ready and reached the bus station in time. Our bus reached Liverpool well before its scheduled time. I had checked on the net and the tourist information centre would have opened only at 11 am - it being a bank holiday. So we had a lot of time. We walked to the City Centre, waitin on our way at beautiful Victorian buildings like the World Museum, Library, etc. The City Centre in itself was buzzing with life, though all the shops had not opened till then. It was bright and sunny and the city looked splendid in the morning sun. We collected as much information from the tourist informationc centre as we could and then caught a City Tour Bus to Albert Dock. The history of Liverpool and Albert Dock is very intersting. I will skip the history of Liverpool and get to Albert Dock. The guide told us that it was designed by a dock supervisor and not an architect. Strange, and hard to believe when you see the dock. The War Memorial at next to the Albert Dock is also very beautiful - probably the biggest war memorial in the world. We took a cruise on the Mersyside Ferry and I must say it was a nice experience. We were sitting in the open on the Ship at first, but then it became very chilly soon, and we moved indoors. The sight on both sides of the river was beautiful. The cruise lasted for about 50 minutes and I would have missed something had I not taken it.

Pic. Anglican Cathedral, Liverpool

After the cruise, we went to see the famous Anglican Cathedral. No matter how much I praise it, you have to see it to believe it. However, I have to write something about it. The huge red structure took my breath away when I first saw it. To put it simply... it was huge. The main entrance of the cathedral has a huge metallic statue of a man which appeared very strange to me. The inside of the cathedral was simply majestic. The calmess and serenity of the place just bowled me over . The rise of the tower, the beautiful painted windows... it was all so divine. The church was made by Sir Giles Gilbert Scott. It was very intriguing to know that this was Sir Giles first such assignment that too when he was just 21. The architect is the same quy who designed the red phone booths that are synonymous with England. The view from the top of the tower is equally breathtaking; on a clear day, it is said that one can see as far as the Blackpool tower. Rest I would leave for you to see whenever you have the chance visit the land of the Liver bird.

From the Cathedral we went back to Albert Dock to take the Beatles Tour, but the tour had closed down by then. So we took another bus and went to the City Centre once again hoping to catch a quick bite. We spent some more time wandering around in the market but then the shops had begun to close down and we couldn't do much. We decided to return to the bus station and wait there. We still had some time, but we were tired to the core and had no more strength to walk. I got burgers and fries to much on while we waited at the bus station. Finally the bus came and no surprises... we dozed off within mimutes after the bus left the station. After we reached home, we just freshend up and hit the bed... the holiday was over and tomorrow was going to be another hectic day at office.

The next morning, on board a Virgin Train for my return Journey to Milton Keynes, I slept all along. Whoever said holidays are relaxing had surely not walked as much as I had in the past 3 days. As the train reached MK, thoughts of how the journey had come a full circle came to my mind. It had been very tiring but the enjoyment was worth all the pain. There was, however, one regret. Yash and I had visited the football heartland of England - Liverpool and Manchester each are home to two famous football clubs (Liverpool and Everton footbal clubs in Liverpool and Manchester United and Manchester City in Manchester) - but could not see any stadium. Had that been possible, I would have felt it was a complete journey.

Looking forward to many such sojourns.

-CK-

The Time Jar Model

2008-05-24T00:26:00.004+05:30

I was reading an article in a magazine where this model came up. I liked it and so wanted to share with my readers. It is called the Time Jar Model.

Take an empty jar (time) and fill it up with rocks (top priority). Then add pebbles (things you enjoy doing) to it. Fill the remaining space with sand (things we ‘have’ to do) and finally add water (things that clutter up our lives and get in everywhere). This model is about balance, you make time for everything, and everything simply fits well where it is supposed to fit in, thereby increasing the efficiency and speed of the function.

How many of us are fighting this conflict of interests within ourselves? How many of us feel that there is so much to do and so less time? Probably all of us. I just hope this helps!

-CK-

Memoirs

2008-05-12T23:24:00.011+05:30

I had planned to write about my recent trip to Manchester, Blackpool and Liverpool. But then today I felt I should share some part of myself with my readers. It is not often that I open up like this, but then I feel that many people are faced with the same issues and if my experiences help even one person, I would consider my post a success.

Statutory Warning: The author does not claim to be an authority on any subject. He only shares his experiences and what he has learnt from them. Readers are advised to exercise their discretion and decide what suits them best.

I will try and share some incidents from my life. They are still quite close to me and feel as if they are only from yesterday. My hands are sweating even at the thought of writing them down. So let me apologise in advance if I become incoherent at times.

Experience 1

Scene 1

It was first year of my college and a friend of mine (a girl - let's call her X) and I often used to go places by public buses. My friend used to fall asleep withing minutes of getting on the bus, but I could hardly sleep. It was on these bus rides that we became very good friends from being just classmates. She used to sleep in such awkward ways and her head would dangle from side to side and at times she would wake up with a jolt - thanks to the bumpy rides. One day I offered my shoulder to her so that she could lean her head on it and gradually it became a default.

Scene 2

Sometime in the first year one of X's friends came to Kolkata (I have done my B. Tech from Kolkata, in case you did not know). By that time I had proposed to her, but she had not said anything. Our friendship had grown stronger and I was passing each day in hope that some day I would hear from her that she felt the same way about me. Anyways... that is another story and let us not digress. So we went to Howrah to receive her friend. His name was V (data protection you see - can't disclose names and addresses). V was a nice guy, very cheerful and friendly. On our way back we took a bus. X was sitting between the two of us and as expected she dozed off within minutes. As had become a practice with me (or what they call acquired resonse to stimulus), I offered my shoulder to her and held her head in place with my palm. We reached home. V stayed with me till he was in Kolkata and he had a pleasant presence.

Scene 3

After V had left, X told me that he had told her that he felt bad when he saw her lean her head on my shoulders. I was taken aback by the statement and realized that X was not too happy about it either. I regained my composure and tried to see V's point. I think I understood and tried to explain to her. I was worried that this one passing thought might jeopardise X's relation with V. I explained to her that it could be the manifestation of his possessiveness for her even as a friend because after all he was her school friend and X and I had met only about six months back. Hence he felt he was much close to her than I was and hence she should have rested her head against his shoulder and not mine. It was no big deal as he did not know that it was more of a stimulus and response relationship between X and me - her sleeping being the stimulus and my offering her my shoulder being my response to the stimulus.

All of this may sound very childish and funny to my readers but then we were still kids then and as they say - the head does not have a say in matters of the heart.

After months of persuasion, X did give in and confessed her feelings for me. I cannot tell you how happy I was. But the possessive lover in me was soon to raise his ugly head...

Experience 2

X had a friend... her best friend (let me call him A)... He was a guy and it troubled me for the best part of my college life. At first I never told anything to X and kept everything to myself. But then it soon became visible to her. We started fighting over him and it started troubling here. I later came to know that she was having the same problem with A about me. She had become a pendulum swinging between her love and her best friend and finding time to spend with both of us.

I felt miserable about myself, but still could not get over my possessiveness. I decided to keep it to myself as X was already so troubled. But how long can someone hide a rot. Rotten thoughts always came to my mind and screwed my happiness and peace of mind. One day the dam broke and I burst at her. We wept more and talked less but then I had to get it out of my system. The more important thing was that we communicated. X, A and I started spending time together by the start of final year and soon A and I became very good friends. Only then did I realize what I big fool, a moron, I had been all along.

These were my experiences and now let me explain the idea that I am trying to drive home.

1) It is important to communicate with your friends and partners. And to communicate does not mean only to talk. It is equally important to listen (probably more important). To communicate means to understand the said as well as the unsaid (in which I am pathetic - after all I am no God). This is a process and has to happen at every stage in any relationship for it to stand the test of time.

2) In love it is more important to look from your partner's perspective than to drive your own point home. This not only avoids conflict but also creates better understanding.

3) Understand that your partner is also an individual with her own way of life, with her own set of friends (boys as well as girls), her own aspirations, her own way of life. While every individual has to change slightly and adjust to make any relationship successful, it should always be the individuals own decision and should not be imposed by anyone else. The individual should have his space in any relationship. Whenever this space is violated the individual feels suffocated, he feels caged.

4) Trust and honesty are the wheels that keep a relationship on track and communication is the fuel that keeps it running.

Phew! I feel like a preacher... does not suit someone who failed in his own relationship miserably, isn't it? But the fact is that I have learnt things the hard way - I always have - and do not want anyone to repeat the same mistakes. Even if one of my readers sees the point then my purpose of writing this post would be served.

In case you are wondering why I have held back all the names, let me end the suspense. X is my ex. She is happily married now and I did not want to refer to her in any way. If any of my readers from the west are perplexed at the issue of a girl being friends with a boy, it is still a much debated topic in my part of the world. I have gained enlightenment and I pray many other men do so soon.

-CK-

Tashan or "TENSION"

2008-04-26T01:55:00.008+05:30

Heard only recently that even Big B has taken to blogging. So thought of starting to write movie reviews. I am no critic but will try to review it from the audience's perspective. I was hoping to start it with positive reviews, but as fate would have it, I had to endure over two hours of the latest Yash Raj offering. Well, I hope I receive positive reviews and comments for my comments at least.

I watched the movie on Thursday night here in the UK, something that we call a paid preview in India. And mistakes were glaring right from the first shot... If I start telling you, I'll divulge the story, but I'll try to keep it as interesting as possible for you. When (and if you are ready to take the risk even after reading this, that is) you watch the movie, watch out for the registration plate on the red car - the front and the rear plates - on the road and when it goes off-road.

Anil Kapoor is the don from Kanpur desperate to learn English, Saif is a call center professional and Anil's English teacher, Kareena is the 'femme fatale' who sets the ball rolling. Akshay is again a goon from Kanpur. The movie is a series of scenes, beautifully shot songs and lovely locales, but there is no movie... there is no connection between the scenes. As some biology student would say - lots of organs but no connective tissue. The road trip starts from Mumbai and takes Akshay and Saif to Haridwar via Ladakh... yes you read it right... LADAKH. If my knowledge of geography serves me correct, only a fool would take a trip from Mumbai to Haridwar via Ladakh, especially when someone's life depended on it. But I was not complaining... the locations were exotic and I had understood by then that the movie was going to be appealing only to the eye. I will not even mention other locations, except for the fact that the 'Chalia' son has been shot in Greece and Kareena is shown throwing Rs 1000 notes in the air... and the gunfight in Rajasthan...I want to swear even at the thought of it but will try to refrain from it. And wait for the climax when you really feel like banging your head against the chair in front.

The action sequences are good but would have been better in some other movie. The songs are nice and as said earlier shot at beautiful locations. Anil needs to be praised to have the courage to even be a part of such a disaster. Kareena's only contribution in this movie is the glamor and thanks to the extensive media coverage, she has made us all aware of the phrase 'size zero'. I will not even try to explain what that means. Those of you who do not know like me, please refer to Wikipedia. I strongly advise those who think they understand the meaning to also see the explanation. your understanding might not be completely correct. Saif... well, he had nothing to do in the movie. The best part of the movie was Akshay Kumar. He is just superb. The more I watch him, the more I admire him. But in this movie he is very eager to go topless which I don't remember him doing in any other movie. Otherwise, he is in fantastic form.

By the time movie ended, I was thinking of suing Yash Raj for the torture. I am sure you will also come out with only one question. Had it not been better to name it 'Tension'? In conclusion, I would sum it up as one of my friends did - a mega dose of bullshit; or as you'll hear in the movie - a double bullshit with a cherry (read Kareena) on top.

Rating: 2/5 (1 for Akshay and the other for locations - come on, there is no movie)

-CK-
PS: Keep the comments - praises and brickbats alike - coming.

What have you learnt from your past relationships?

2008-03-02T06:15:00.013+05:30

My dear readers,

Your self-proclaimed love guru is back with this write up. I have been trying to write on love for sometime now, but as they say you cannot plan love. But what I have realized is that you cannot plan writing about love either. Today, I was planning to write something on the Union Budget 2008-09, but it was not to be. I was browsing through one of my friend's profile where her response to the question, "From my past relationships I have learnt..." caught my eye and forced me to think. Before I tell you what her answer was, let me tell you what I have learnt. I have learnt that any relationship cannot be built on conditions. Love is about selflessness. Any relationship built on conditions cannot last. Conditions reduce a relationship to a meagre agreement, a mere Memorandum of Understanding which is bound to be broken sooner or later. Whenever an expression of love is associated with an 'if' or 'but', the expression is not entirely true. I hope you would agree.

When you love someone, you love a person as a whole. Now that person has some positives and some negatives (again these vary on how you perseive those qualities). The definition of good and bad may vary, but the eternal truth is that both good and bad qualities are equally responsible for defining a person. So when you say you love a person but at the same time try to convince him/ her to change certain things because you do not like them, don't you attempt to change the very definition of that person? So ask yourself whether you speak the truth whenever you express your love to that person. I feel that love is all about accepting the person as he/she is - to love the qualities you like and accept the qualities you may not like. You need to realize that the good qualities are many folds heavier than the bad qualities and that is the reason why you love the one you do.

Coming back to my friends answer to the question, she had written ,"Love is not about compromises." Taking a cue from this and that the next step up from love has always been marriage for her and the fact that she is soon to be married, I must say that her understanding of love and hence marriage is something which I do not agree with. It would have been an ideal world if we would not have to make compromises, especially in love and in marriage. But the fact is we make daily compromises. The key is to make compromises that you are happy about. That way the realtionship lasts. The key to a relationship is that it is mutually beneficial to both, that it is mutually symbiotic, that the two help each other grow. But when you are not happy with the compromises you make, when one person grows at the cost of another, that relationship becomes parasitic and it dies out sooner or later. I guess the sooner we realize that we have to make compromises and also where to draw the line, we would all have a healthy and lasting love life.

I know the topic is very debatable and as always I am eager to receive your comments. But this time around it is to know what you have learnt from your past relationships. So do keep them coming.

May a thousand love bloom and may all have happy endings!
Amen.

-CK-

The Great Indian (read Marathi) Political Tamasha

2008-02-17T01:17:00.011+05:30

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen! Yes I am back. You would be wondering what had happened to me. Nothing really. That's right - nothing much was happening which would have inspired me to write. Well I did come to the UK, but then that feeling is very personal and there was no point writing that down. But then, while I was in a bliss being back home after four months and eager to get together with my mates, my brothers during Yash's wedding, one Mr. Raj Thackrey decided that he had had enough time away from the public attention and needed to do something desperately to make people realize that he is still part of the political foray in Maharashtra; and what better way to do it than pick the agenda that his mentor, his hero (read Bal Thackrey) has persued since the inception of his political party.

Much has been said and written about what had transpired, and I am not going to tread that path. However, I have been wondering since the day the news first appeared why Raj had to raise a finger at a certain Mr. Bachchan about his contribution to Maharashtra. Did he forget that Mr. Bachchan had migrated to Mumbai when Raj's mother used to change his dipers? Does being born in Mumbai make someone a better Mumbaite than someone who has lived a better part of his life in that city - or for that matter any city? Why has Mr. Bachchan have to prove to anyone that he has done more for Maharashtra than for UP? For that matter why doesn't Raj say what he has done for Mumbai and Maharashtra. I bet his list would only consist of damage to public property, loss of money for the industry and also loss of life. He has cost the state so much only in these few days that probably all his positive contributions (if any) would have been nullified. His only contribution to the state is a feeling of hatred and unrest. The self-proclaimed messiah of the 'Marathi Manus' has only misguided the innocent public.

I sincerely feel that Mr. Raj Thackrey cannot handle competition and that is why he takes shortcuts. He was the favourite of his mentor, and that is why he aspired to be the leader of Shiv Sena someday when his uncle would decide to hang his boots. But then Bala Saheb's son came to the fore and Bala Saheb decided to pass on the baton to Udhav. Rather than staying with the party and competing with Udhav for the party supremo's post, he chose the shortcut of making a separate party of his own. Political pundits have always said that parties are made and guided by ideologies. So, when the ideologies of MNS and Shiv Sena are the same - to represent and fight for the 'Marathi Manus' - why was the need of another party. The only reason why Raj needed a new party was becase he wanted to be a supremo of some party; after all there is no chance of coming second when you are the only one in the race. Now, in the game of political one-upmanship with Udhav, he again chose to take a shortcut - to attack migrants who have been working in Maharashtra for years now - to gain some publicity and popularity. Don't they say that no publicity is bad publicity? After all who would take up the road of winning the hearts of people by working at the grassroot level. It would take years for him to get to the throne that way and an impatient and ambitious person like Raj would not be able to wait for that long.

Thinking from Raj's point of view, doesn't Udhav have an unfair advantage of leading a party which has a very good setup and reach at the grassroot level, which was also because of Raj to a large extent while he was in Shiv Sena? So why am I calling him the villian if he is trying to find a quicker way of rising high in life? The answer is that there is nothing wrong in trying to prosper and rise higher in life. In fact that is precisely my argument for migrants. My only problem is that he is trying to rise by steping on the lives of innocent and poor people - both migrants as well as the aborigines. The country and the law of the land empowers every individual to travel freely and earn a living in any part of the country. Opportunities are like the cubes of sugar to which one and all get attracted like flies. For some that opportunity could be the thrown of a state or the country, for some it could be the opportunity of earning their daily bread and giving a decent life to their families. The Constitution of India empowers any citizen to choose a place where he wants to live, earn or even contest elections from (otherwise how could Sonia Gandhi contest elections from Bellary).

I agree that resources are limited and the ever increasing number of migrants is taxing them even more, but intimidating people by abusing them, beating them up, forcing them to leave the city is not the solution to the problem. But the question that needs to be asked is if we really want to solve the problem. We, the citizens, might but the politicians certainly don't. They are only interested in making issues out of problems and use them as agenda to achieve political gains. One problem less would mean one less issue to encash on and political parties cannot afford that. Petty party politics takes over the common good of the people. Governance for our leaders means to gain power power and do good for themselves than to use that power for the development of people and the country.

It is only because of this selfishness that one Raj Thackrey could hold the government at ransom and challenge them to arrest him. This is the only reason why government has not been able to check events like Nandigram and now Nashik. The miscreants have looted, damaged public property, killed innocent people and are still walking free. The leaders misguide the youth of today, incite people to fight against each other and still manage to breath in the free air. The governments and those that run them are spineless because retaining the chair is more important than using the position correctly. Every political party is playing to the gallery, to their vote banks.

Having said all this, let me not only talk about the problem, but also try and analyse what is the solution. As I said earlier, sending migrants back to their home states in a rush is not going to solve the problem. On the contrary, it would cause fresh problems, as has happened in Nashik with around 40% of the mill workers not reporting for duty, mill owners and even companies like Mahindra and Mahindra, Mico and Glaxo Smithkline have incurred heavy loses. We would all agree that major cities are already burdened with their current population and something has to be done to stop this influx of migrants into the cities from various parts of the country. But this will not happen overnight. There needs to be a sustained effort from the government, the industries and the public to resolve this issue. The government, on its part, will have to provide the necessary infrastructure and security. The industry will have to show an inclination to set up base in the lesser known areas. On the part of the public, once the former two are taken care of this is not going to be a problem. A person decides to migrate only when he does not get proper means of livelihood in a place where he has grown up. No body wants to stay away from home, parents, family, but the quest for a better livelihood takes them thousands of miles away from home. So if they are given a better life close to home or at home at least, they would never migrate.

My prayers go out to those who have incurred personal losses in this political harakiri and to the nation so that it's citizens come to senses, or else people like me, who were born and brought up in Bihar, educated in Jharkhand and West Bengal, worked in Maharashtra, whose father (an IOCL employee) is currently posted in Haryana and who himself is posted in the UK, will have no where to go in his own country, the country which he calls his motherland.

Amen.

-CK-

Happy Friendship Day

2007-08-10T12:02:00.000+05:30

This year I celebrated friendship day in style - like never before. I was in Pune, again, on deputation, but this time for 3 days only (1st-3rd Aug). But I decided to stay for the weekend so that I could meet some friends. I am not going to discuss work this time. Anyways that was insignificant to what i had done the last time I was in Pune.

Eve of Friendship Day:

On Saturday morning (4th Aug) I checked out of the guest house and went straight to one of my collegemates place in Magarpatta City. After having spent some time with him, I borrowed his bike to visit other friends. I picked one up from Hadapsar and met the others at FC Road. Over lunch we decided to visit Panshet and nearby areas the next day. So we called one more friend of ours who was still sitting in his office on a Saturday afternoon. After much persuasion he agreed to come. Having decided all that and having booked a Qualis for the next day I headed for Kalyani Nagar to meet another classmate of mine (from DPS). I met her and told about the plan for the next day.

Friendship Day:

I got ready by 8:00am as the car was supposed to come and fetch me at around 8:15. But it cam only at around 9:00am. Aman, Apurva and Shankar we already in the car. We headed for Minakshi's (my DPS classmate) home to pick her up. having picked her up we picked one more friend (Sandy) in Hadapsar and left for Pashan where Vidushi was waiting for us. By the time we reached Pashan, we had decided we were not going to Panshet but to Panchgani. Thank God that Vidushi did not agree and said that she had to reach home by 6:00pm otherwise we were in for a really long picnic.

After much debate we headed for Tamini Ghat. I had absolutely no idea what that place is like, but by the time I realized I was awestruck by the view all around. It was no particular place that we were planning to go, it was just a long road in the Wstern Ghats and believe me the sight in the Ghats during monsoon is breathtaking. You need to see it to believe it - so much greenry and water all around. There were waterfalls, big and small, streaming down the hills all around. We were practically driving in the clouds - one moment you could see the hill that lay ahead, the other moment nothing was visible, except a think layer of mist - or were those the clouds? We kept on driving, making short stops at waterfalls and to take snaps, but more importantly to let the view sink in. At times I wondered how Scotland would be, since I've already hard so much about the place, but whatever it would be like, it would not be better than what I was seeing then - I was sure.

We had our lunch at a dhaba which appeared suddenly out of nowhere. There was this solitary building on the one side of the road in the midst of agricultural land. Facing the dhaba was a hill which had several waterfalls running down. The view from the place where we were having lunch was such that any five star hotel would be envious. As far as the food is concerned, the dal was fabulous, while the chana masala was very hot. The chicken, however, was pathetic, but we didn't complain much because it was around 3 pm when we had sat for lunch and none of us had had breakfast.

After lunch we carried on with our journey ahead, but after a few kilometers the sight was not as beautiful. So we decided to return. We dropped Vidhushi home at 7:00 pm (I guess we managed pretty well). But, I had to return to Mumbai the same night and by the time we reached station with our baggages, it was around 10:00 pm and it was raining heavily. But that is another story...

We had a great time in the lap of mother nature. The experience will remain etched in my memory forever. I recommend this beautiful Ghat to one and all. Now don't just sit there. Get up, pack your bags and get going. Keep a pair of extra clothing and a towel. You'll need it after you get wet, else you'll be shivering like we were. Don't forget to devour the local bhajia and chai that is available.

Acknowledgements: To all those whom I call my friends and more importantly to those who consider me as their friend.
Happy Friendship Day to one and all!

In the photograph (L-R): Apurva, Vidushi, Aman, Shankar, Minakshi (and you know me)

Cheers,

-CK-

Was it worth it?

2007-05-23T23:44:00.000+05:30

Hello All! I know it has been long since my last post, but believe it or not I have been really occupied. I have been trying to publish this one for a long time now, and I am doing it finally. But begore I start, a few acknowledgements - The title is taken from Varun's blog and I have decide to complete this today (finally) after reading Akshat's post. Now the story:

This episode that I am going to write about started when I was in Panipath, visiting my parents on a two week long vacation. One fine morning, while I was still in Panipath, my SPM called me and asked me if I would like to work for the project that he has recently undertaken from Pune as a lead and I said yes because it would be something new and I was more or less fed up with the same kind of work in my project. But, then I didn't know what was in store for me.

I joined Mumbai office on 12th March and went to Pune the very next day. From the day I joined it was a battle, a full scale war in the team - war against delivery managers, testing teams; war to defend the project and the team members. Needles to say that the project was in shambles. There were faults galore, coming from everywhere - from SIT, E2E, LIVE. The first instruction that I got from my SPM when I reached Pune was, "I don't need you to get involved technically, but to act as the point of contact for E2E and live faults. I have people to work behind the scene. I need someone who can front-end them, who can talk to people and track things." I thought, "Am I meant for such things - afer all I have been coding for the last 18 months? Nevertheless, it is going to be a challenge, a new one." And, I nodded to express my acceptance.

Later in the day, I got the first tracker sheet which I had to update, and it blew my mind. I couldn't believe the number of faults pending with the developers, and I didn't know what to do with the sheet immediately. But, the quick learner that I am, I got the hang of faults and the sheet in a couple of days. Reaching office by 9 am and leaving not before 10 pm was the order of the day, and I had lost myself in the work. I barely had time to think. By the time I reached my accomodation, I used to be so tired, I used to drop dead on my bed wishing I wouldn't wake up the next morning. Weekends and Weekends lost their meaning, as we were working 7 days a week to catch up with the faults and deadlines.

After three weeks we managed to bring some respectability to the situation, but much was still left to be done. In the next week we were in a much better position, ready to take the next release to Live having fixed most of the faults. During the one month I had attended calls and meetings with my GH/ SPM/ TLs, I had shone a stupid SIT representative her rightful place (in fact she stopped coming to calls after that treatment), and received much appreaciation and encouragement from my SPM and team members alike. My biggest achievement during that month was getting rid of the Delivery Manager. He was just so stupid. One day he pulled me on a call with a BT guy, 15 years experienced and I was there trying to explain the technicallity of things, when I had never looked into the code. And the funniest part is that I sounded so convincing that even I was surprised.

Finally that call ended at 11:00 pm in the night and I was tired to the core. I couldn't believe how I managed to survive that call. But there also I learnt something. There was a guy who was over 15yrs experienced. I was nothing but a kid in front of him. But I was able to convince him more because of my confidence. Not that I was talking rubbish, but it could never have been technically perfect. But what impressed me most was that man's penchant to learn. He kept telling me, 'Please forgive my ignorance, but...' and kept shooting questions at me. He was determined to learn the entire functionality in one night. He budged only when I told him it was very late offshore. On my way back home, I was thinking how we are afraid to ask questions thinking what the other person would think about us, and we keep quite even when we might not have understood one thing on a subject. And there was a guy, who was so senior and had no qualms about asking questions even at the risk of sounding stupid. Actually it is much better to sound stupid that way than when you goof up. Then you might look for cover but you would have none.

One month passed and I returned to Mumbai only to go back to Pune in the last week of April. That was the time when appraisals were the hottest thing. PRDs were on in full swing. I had been so busy working, I barely managed to fill in my appraisal in time. When I returned to Pune, I told my SPM very clearly that i was not happy with my PRD and the ratings that I had got, and he told me not to worry. I got back to work. That was the time when our next release had gone on Production and now we were fixing Live Faults on war footing and perparing for the next release as well.

That was the time when dear Mr. Al-Noor Ramji (CEO, BT Design) announced a 'Code Red' in the entire Billing and Payments Programme' and Milan Gupta was appointed as the Code Red Manager. Needless to say, we were doomed - doomed to be available 24*7 to fix faults, at times stay in office for 3 days at a strech, doomed to stay in the same clothing (underwears inlcuded) for a couple of days, doomed to stink like... like... I don't know what. Those 2 weeks were terrible. But then again it was time for self realization. I realized that my body could take so much abuse. Things got a little better after that, but we were still working 16 hrs a day.

Burn out was inevitable, and my SPM was the first casualty. He sufferd slip disc and was bed ridden for 2 weeks. I fell ill for a couple of days and then decided to take things slowly. i started working more intelligently. There was a guy who had to go on leave for some family function but his leave was cancelled, and he wept in office. The morale of the entire team was on an all time low. I don't know what crept into me and I stood for that guy and confronted another manager (gap-filling for my bed-ridden SPM). I took the onus on me to get the job done so that poor guy could go to his family. And we did it really well.

I finally left the project in the end of June, when things were much better and another release was in the pipeline, having made a lot of friends. Back from there a thought crept into my mind whether all that effort was really worth it. Well here is what I thought:
1) I learnt how it feels to be in the line of fire - being the Single Point of Contact for E2E and Live faults, front-ending my team.
2) I had to lead a team which was very low on morale and experience. I had to be their friend, but had to get the work done at the same time. I dare say, I did fairly well there. I got an insight into the human psyche.
3) I realised that the root of the entire mess was a huge communication gap within the team and spineless leadership and improper planning - in fact there was no planning. If a project is in shambles, it is the manager who should be punished and not the team members. Due to a couple of incompetent managers, 20 people had lost there peace for over 6 months. The Business guys had promised the moon to the client and the team was racing against time to deliver an impossible task, and the managers did nothing to defend or to shield them.
4) I realised how important it is to ask the right questions. If you ask the right questions, you will never go wrong.
5) I got more insight into business and how Tech Mahindra works in those three months than i had in the 20 months before that. I met people while I stayed in the guest house and thus helped me network which is so important today.
6) Above all, I managed to secure an 'Outstanding' rating in my appraisals and got an above expectation increment. Did somebody say, "Sweet are the uses of adversity."

Well, dear readers, I leave the question to you - Was it really worth it?

Cheers,
-CK-

B&PP (Mumbai) TimeOut!

2006-12-26T11:10:00.000+05:30

The Billing and Payments Platform (B&PP) team from Mumbai was given a much deserved and awaited break by the company. We were sanctioned a day out in the Nishiland Water Park, Panvel. But the people in the group are so habituated to work that it was a tough job to convince people to come, because after a difficult week, people would rather relax at home with their families than go on a picnic that would be equally tiring - physically. The second challenge was to organize the event. The scheduled date for the picnic was 23rd Dec, but it had to be rescheduled to 17th Dec due to some unavoidable circumstances. So the organizers, I was one of whom, roughly had three days to organize the event and make it a success. But when the money was not a headache, we had only the arrangements on our minds.

Day1 (Wed,13/12/2006):
The organizing committee sent mails to all SPMs and PMs for the list of all interested people and designed posters. Mails were sent out to generate awareness and interest in the people. Work, ranging from transportation to entertainment and first aid to discipline, was divided among the members. I was made incharge for entertainment.

Day2 (Thur,14/12/2006):
All from my project dropped out of the picnic because four of us, including me, were assigned weekened support task, and the rest feared that they will have no one for company. We tried to find a work around but failed. In the meantime preparations were on full swing hoping for the best.

Day3 (Fri, 15/12/2006):
The day began with a high level meeting of SPMs, PMs and our Group Head to identify why people from our project were not going. Finally a work arround was arrived at and the four of us were allowed to go for the picnic. It was then time for me to put my head down and prepare for Antakshri, as I was supposed to host it. I was only too glad at the prospect.

Day4 (Sat, 16/12/2006):
It was support time for the four of us in my project. I had to be in office from 5:30 pm to 11:30 pm. We got the banners for the buses late in the evening, and all was set for the picnic, the next day. Two buses, one leaving from Andheri and another from office, were scheduled to meet in Mulund and then move on to Nishiland.

Day5 (Sun, 17/12/2006):
The Time Out: It was a late start as the buses arrived late. Both the buses met at Mulund, and after a short stop headed for the destination. We had a very enjoyable round of 'Antakshri' in the bus. We reached Nishiland at 9:45 am. The entry and food coupons were distributed at the entrance itself, and inside the park, we got our locker keys. After breakfast, we changed into our swimming costumes and hit the pool as soon as we could because we had time till 2 pm only, after which some other events were planned - away from water.

We had a good time in the pool and on the slides. There was a small slide on which we had a lot of fun. Surprised? But trust me, it was a lot of fun. Some people were trying to climb the slide, and each time anyone did that, there were at least three people who were determined to bring them down. It was great fun because everyone had set the child inside him/her free. We were all playing like a bunch of kids. My team (project) was the last to leave the wave pool, after we had an exclusive wave session. Then, after our ablutions it was time for lunch. We were so hungry that we ate like dogs. My throat was so sore after all the shouting in the pool, that i wondered how I would anchor the 'Antakshri' later in the day.

Post lunch, people were asked to gather in a shade over the lake where chairs were already laid for the events. Antakshri and Dumb Charades were scheduled for the afternoon. We started off with 'Antakshri' which stretched a bit too long. But we were thrilled by the participation. I hope people loved it. By God's grace all went well. It was an inter-project competition and BReCon Development won hands down. BReCon Design were the 1st Runners Up.

Antakshri was followed by Dumb Charades with a Tea Break in between. I must say here, that the organizers of the event had done a lot of research because the movies that were given to us to enact... Let me not say anything. Please try to enact this - 'Zimbo Comes to Town'. See! Due to lack of time, this event had to be left incomplete. It was followed by an address by our Group Head who promised us many more such outings in the future. Finally we packed our bags and left the Park at 6:45 pm for our journey back to Mumbai. Thus ended the B&PP Timeout.

The Experience: It was a picnic worth every penny spent and a must attend for all. Those who missed it were really unfortunate. But then, I am sure, they had very strong reasons. On the personal front, it was a great place to be if you want to expand your network. Where else could you chat with PMs and SPMs in an informal way, and even pull their legs, and they would take all that with a smile? Right! this was the place and the time.

Credits: It was a great picnic, but it would not have been successful without the efforts of the IDU Head, the Group Head, the HR Team, the Admin team, the Organizers and all the participants. I extend my thanks to all those involved. Cheers...

-CK-

My 'Roadies' Experience

2006-12-11T12:44:00.000+05:30

Dear Readers,

This post of mine is not on the same lines as my previous posts. Enough of debatable topics. Here's a description of my trip to Daman. So sit back and experience my first such road trip. I will try my best to make this post as interesting as possible. As usual, your comments are most welcome. They will help me make my write-ups even better.

Cheers

Planning for the trip had started in November itself, but as fate would have it, last moment assignments left only the four of us - Akshat, Prasanna, Puru and myself - for the Daman trip. And what better means to commute except (yes!)BIKES. So the plan was ready, maps downloaded from the Internet and printouts taken. Everything was finalized on Friday (1st Dec, 2006).

Akshat and I set off for Daman on Saturday, Dec 2nd at 2:30 am from my flat in Powai. We were scheduled to meet Puru and Prasanna (who were coming all the way from Pune) at 3:oo am near the Eternity Mall in Thane. We were there as per schedule, but the other two got lost on their way from Pune to Thane and reached the rendezvous point at 3:40. Waiting for them in the dark, with sleepy eyes, was the most difficult part of the journey. But the journey had just begun.

From there we took the road that would connect us to the Western Express Highway. To our dismay, the road was broken at several places and we were stuck between a carvan of trucks. So we had to eat a lot of dust till we reached the highway. There onwards, it was smooth sailing. Believe me, the Mumbai - Ahmedabad Highway has to be seen to believe that it is so smooth. A realization fell upon me that had Laloo kept his promise of making the roads of Bihar smoother than Hema Malini's cheecks, he would have made such roads. We took a halt every half an hour or forty minutes, got down at some dhaaba to have tea or just stretched our legs.

The sight at the break of dawn was mesmerising. The highway looks so beautiful in the light of the rising sun. The highway meandered through the hills, and a cool breeze blew all along. The air was so fresh - completely different from what we get in Mumbai - that i felt intoxicated (ab kisi bhikari ko achha khana doge to uska paet kharaab hoga hi naa... waise hi we in Mumbai are used to the dust and smoke, not air).

We reached Daman at around 8:15 am. As we entered into Daman, Puru went on a hunt for a wine shop. Finally, we stopped at one, and purchased 4 large cans of Kingfisher Strong. But, Puru had other ideas. He bought two small cans also, and made me drink one then and there while he drank the other one. I literally did the morning kulla with beer.

We were at he 'Sunset Beach' by 8:30 am, feasting on our cans of beer and gorging some wafers. After all it was time for breakfast. Once we were done with the beers, Puru and Akshat left to collect some more ethanol after taking oders from each of us. By the time they returned I was already shaking. They returned with some vodka and more beer. I made three large pegs, one each for Puru, Akshat and myself, while Prasanna sipped hi beer. Thereafter, I remeber making the second peg and drinking half way through it. After that, i donot remeber anything till probably 3:oo pm. Yes, you got it. I had passed out.

We came back to our senses at about 5:oo pm and left the beach. We found a hotel and checked into a 4-bed room. The room was a tad expensive, but we were not in a condition to negotiate. All I wanted to do was hit the bed again, or probably visit the loo as my head was still spinning. As soon as we entered the room Prasanna, Puru and I hit the bed. Only Akshat had the energy to go pay the money and sign the register. After some time, we all freshend up, had a good, long bath and watched some television. In fact, I was the only one who was watching TV. Others were sleeping like corpses. I managed to wake them up with great difficulty. We had some soup and a light dinner and went back to sleep. That was the end of Day 1 of the trip.

Day 2 started at 8:30 am as all of us came back to life. We had to leave the room by 11 am but none of us was in a hurry. We packed our things, ordered for some tea and went through our ablutions. We left the hotel at around 10 am and set of on our bikes for some new beaches.

We headed for Moti Daman and reach there in about half-an-hour. We had to cross a narrow bridge which is only for two-wheelers (that too a one-way) and pedestrians. We stopped at the gates of the fort, clicked some photographs and went ahead. Our next stop was the Bom Jesus Church which is a great representation of Portugese architecture and culture. The church, built in its present form in 1603, stands testimony to the bygone era. After the church we stopped at the light house which was a first for me. I had never seen a light house so closely, before that day. After the light house, we went to Jampore beach. It is a long stretch, with people coming in large numbers. We put our luggage down, changed and hit the water. The water was very salty and the sun was out in its full splendor. We had a short game of soccer among the four of us - Puru & I in 1 team and Prasanna and Akshat in the other. All seen and done, we set back for Mumbai.

The road that connects Moti Daman to the highway is two lane with lots of shade. It was a pleasant drive till we reached the highway. As soon as we reached the highway, we were hit by a puff of dust and the sun was glaring down at us. It was around 3 pm when we reached the highway, and soon we realized that we won't be able to drive in the heat. After about an hour, we reached a Reliance petrol pump, refilled the tanks, and got down to refill ourselfs with some late lunch. After a grand lunch, it was time to stretch our bodies. The restaurant staff was kind enough to arrange two char-pois for us. We left the place at 6:30 pm, after the sun had set in the horizon, and set on our road trip back home.

Finally, we reached Mumbai at around 9:oo pm with regular stops in between. But, it took us about an hour to reach our place - all because of the lovely traffic of the city. We realized that we had left the fast lane and the fresh air far behind. That was the end of the trip. Day 2 ended with a very late dinner after which we hit the bed. Prasanna and Puru spent the night at my place, and left for Pune the next moring.

Loking forward to more adventures and trips!

-CK-

To be or not to be

2006-12-01T11:52:00.000+05:30

My friend's response to my previous post:

I completely agree to your saying that any commitment devoid of love always becomes monotonous and that ideally relationships should be commitment out of love and respect. Reflecting on the same lines, could you tell me how many people are fortunate enough to have experienced those kinda ideal relationships? Only a fortunate few probably! Well, pondering on these lines, this is what comes to my mind…

Relationships start with love…… when we believe that we are in love and commit ourselves to that relationship. With time we grow as individuals and go through various phases in life. Gradually things become a part of our life. The relationship that was such a big thing in life is now just a part of life and is taken for granted. Then people start having differences…..some of them could probably be sorted out easily…. but some others need compromise….. you need to compromise and mould yourself in a way that’s best for the relationship. That might not be actually what you are, but that’s what best-suites your partner. What do you do then?

Do you compromise and change yourself…. Or do you maintain your individuality and move ahead in life?
I know the 1st choice is obvious when these changes are something that you yourself think is ideally the best thing to do; but what if you do not hold the same opinion…what if you think that what you are doing is absolutely fine and that’s how you should always be….what if its gotta do with something with which you identify yourself….what do you do then… part your ways with your partner or with your identity? Which one would you part ways with?

I must say that the questions are getting tougher by each post. I must say, you have caught me on the wrong foot this time. However, I’ll try to be as ‘politically’ correct as possible.

Now coming straight to the point, compromises are a part of life. The sooner you accept it, the better. But then there is a limit to everything. Compromise on wishes and desires but never compromise on values and identity. If you do so, you will suffocate in the relationship. The worst thing that you can do to yourself is ‘change your identity’. If you do it because you are not comfortable with it, it would be acceptable, but not for somebody else. Moreover, if someone says that he loves you, he should accept you as you are with your good and bad qualities. If he tries to change your identity, he’ll anyway lose the person he was in love, to start with.

Compromise because your partner means more to you than a mere wish, because he is special, and very important in your life. But in the process, don’t stop loving yourself. Anything that hurts your dignity or individuality (not ego – ego hustles can kill a relationship) is not worth doing. Compromise if need be; but with the thought that it is for your your own good, and not for your partner. Don’t ever try to keep a count of your compromises, or try to make your partner realize what you have done to keep the relationship going, because that would be selfish. If your partner is attentive and caring, he will know what you have done.

But if your partner is adamant on changing you, and is busy finding faults within you (one question that comes to mind is, “How on earth did he fall in love with you if you are so wrong?”), or if he does not respect your individuality, you are sure to feel tied up in that relationship. I feel that a relationship should help you grow, not hinder your growth. Such a relationship will do the latter. At junctures such as these, tough decisions become need of the hour.

But then, again the choice has to be yours. I, for one, have gone through all this, have made the mistake of compromising on my identity at times (I felt totally lost at times) because I did not have the courage to stand up strong for myself against someone whom I loved more than I loved myself. I feared losing her. But as I started showing more courage, she started to feel that I was changing - that distance had eroded my love for her. Yes, I was changing but not the way she thought. If only she had spoken her mind to me, I would have had a chance to clarify things. It’s correct that in a relationship, at no time should there be a stage when you need to justify your acts. But, misunderstandings are also a part of relationships. They can be sorted out only when two individuals talk freely.

When I say talk, I mean exactly that. Please sit across a table and try to sort out your differences like adults – no fighting/ quarrelling. If there is no way out, you should part ways amicably. End of a relationship is painful enough. Why would you need to inflict more pain on you and your partner by hurling abuses at him and accusing him?

Note: I have seen people for whom their individuality is not important. They just want to be in the company of their respective partners. So first find an answer to what you really want.

Fact of life: It is impossible to find someone who will never hurt you. So go for the one who is worth all the pain.

-CK (feel like a LOVE GURU already)-

Love or Commitment

2006-11-28T17:39:00.000+05:30

One of my friends asked me, “What is more important, love or commitment?” Now, trying to explain this is very difficult and I may sound like a philosopher, but trust me that I will write what I feel.

Times have changed. In our parents’ days, people got married and entered a life-long commitment. Love followed, and couples used to spend their entire life together. But then what is important is that love followed. The same can hold true today also. But any commitment devoid of love always becomes monotonous. Look at our jobs for example. We are committed to our work, but there is no love for the company, or the project. Had we loved everything here, we would say, “Thank God it’s Monday!” and not, “Oh God, it’s Monday!” The idea is that if you keep giving way to the other person (your partner) just because you are committed to him/ her, a time will come when you will face an identity crisis. Trying to stand for what you strongly feel does not mean you have a big ego. In fact your partner should understand that you, as an individual, have a right to opinion. Am I deviating from the topic? I think so.

If you are in a relationship only because of commitment and no love, you would feel the same about going back home as you feel now about Monday mornings. And trust me; it would not be a good feeling. I feel it is easier for someone who has not been in a relationship to marry and fall in love (of course with his/her spouse). But for us, it will be very difficult. However wrong it is, the prospective partner would be graded on the scale of our experience, and comparisons are inevitable. But then, we must not forget that he/she would be a different individual.

Now, a situation of all love and no commitment also means you are in troubled waters. Actually, the concept itself is very debatable. If you love a person, you will be committed to him/ her automatically. How can one be in love and not be committed at the same time? If someone tells you that he loves you, and at the same time he cannot control his virility – trust me; he deserves a GPL.

Ideally, a relationship should be a commitment out of love and respect. But then, everyone should make his/ her own choice, because one man’s meat can be another’s poison.

-CK-

Main Shayar Badnaam

2006-10-26T11:45:00.000+05:30

Tu kahin bhi rahe sar pe tere ilzaam to hai
Tere haathon ki lakiiron mein mera naam to hai
Mujhko tu apnaa bana ya na bana teri khushi
Tu zamaane mein mere naam se badnaam to hai.
Mere hisse mein koi jaam na aayaa na sahi
Teri mehfil mein mere naam koi shaam to hai
Dekh kar log mujhe naam tera lete hain
Is pe main khush hoon muhabbat ka ye anjaam to hai.
Woh sitamgar hi sahi dekh ke usko is dil-e-beemaar ko aaraam to hai ...